On January 22nd, while in Peru, I experienced break through bleeding that turned out to be a fibroid coming through the uterine wall. It happened the day that I was doing ceremony with Carlos. Knowing that the unexpected blood heralded my menopause, I made a passionate proclamation that I would offer my blood to honor men. I would use my moontime to strengthen my faith that all men are evolving toward the highest expression of the Divine Masculine. I have been bleeding since I spoke the words to the Universe! (Be careful what you pray for)
The more I reflect on that day, the more I enrich my understanding of mastery in forgiveness. Radical Forgiveness teaches that nothing bad ever happened and so there is really nothing to forgive.
It segues into the belief that there is no separation. I can not be the victim to anything save my own thoughts projected out and reflected back to me. I am that which I see in others. In this light, it is easier to see Carlos as a hollow bone, perhaps even a master, who was willing to play out my thoughts. He may have even intended to be the clear mirror to help me recognize all the thoughts that limit and undermine potential in men. Thereby, limiting my own growth as well as the collective conscious.
It is not my business how consciously aware he was. It is all about perception, and the Universe had sent me what I manifested to shed light on what most needed healing. He was the obvious expression of my projections.
(20/20 hindsight).
I did not feel comfortable finding a gynecologist in Cusco. Finding a dentist to trust was difficult enough. I also assumed that the second period was due to travel. As the weeks of spotting and bleeding continued, I became more concerned.
Toilet paper is considered a personal responsibility there and I had used mine sparingly. Had I contracted something from a toilet seat? Guilt consumed me because I have always ignored my mother’s advise. I was unaware of the tremendous and powerful energy of guilt that got tucked out of site into my uterus. The strange color and scent exiting my body was the years of fermentation I have housed.
Or, was it swimming in Laguna Sandoval? They had warned about parasites that swim inside you if you pee. I reassured myself that I had nary a drop, but the thought of something chewing me up from inside haunted my nights. I tried all kinds of ideas from boric acid, grapefruit seed extract, to vinegar and it only aggravated the situation.
As soon as I was back in the states, I called Planned Parenthood to find out. They said there was too much blood to see and I should wait until it stopped. A week later I began hemorrhaging bright red blood. That got my attention, but not theirs. She diagnosed the fibroid and referred me to a doctor To have an endobiopsy (1st available apt was April 19.) When I asked about stopping the profuse bleeding, she said that 800 mg of ibuprophen 3X daily had worked for some. (That could result in a long term disastrous dose to the liver!)
Diagnosis in hand and intrigued by the science fair project my body had become, I eagerly set to work at making my body whole. I began working on the physical, psycho/spiritual and emotional aspects. Inspired by my own 2012 teachings, I took an inventory of the ancestral issues and wrote positive affirmations that clarified my beliefs. Made a list of what I dislike about men accompanied by affirmations. Sought the advice of my wise blood mother, Ginni, and began working with herbs, oils, ProgesterAll cream, diet and detox. I arrested the bleeding within 5 days.
The piece that really puzzles me is the paralysis I felt from modern medicine the first two weeks. Now, this fibroid has become an opportunity to walk my talk, set an example to augment the medical model and take a personal inventory. The treasure hunt of a spiritual life giving me clues along the way in a perfectly timely manner..
Turns out that the tincture of Lady’s Mantle, that I created just before I left, was one of the keys. It is one of nature’s best ally for heavy bleeding. It is a plant associated with St. Bridgid. I am a flame keeper so I was happy to honor her in a new way. I took the tincture and knelt down to pray in front of the sculpture I had completed of Bridgid in the Fall. I asked her to carry me safely through the change of life and to help me capitalize on the rich opportunities to connect with my moontime before it fades away. Funny how our future awaits us. It was among the very first plants I placed in my yard 13 yrs ago. Auspicious??? Hmmmmm?
